Friday, December 8, 2017

The clerkmanifesto genius quiz

Are you a genius?

How can you trust your own highly invested self-assurance, or, conversely, that your noble humility won't muck up your scientific evaluation.

That's where this test comes into play.

Yes, you may have taken a genius test before. One of two things invariably happened: 

1. They said you were a genius because your qualities and abilities matched the ones that they themselves had and over-valued. Or

2. They said you weren't a genius because they were jealous, jealous of your genius.

Either way they had an axe to grind, a chip in the pot, a cliche nailed up on the metaphor for all souls to see. Oh how I hate them.

On the other hand I don't have an axe to grind. Except against Republicans. And fast food sandwich restaurants. And the rich. And most dog owners. And Kazuo Ishiguro. And the Internet. And Centrists. And the country of Poland. And managers. And the publishing industry. And all the people who don't read my blog. And God. 

And especially those bloody disingenuous people with their damn genius tests!

Oh how I hate them. I hate them more than anything in the whole world! I hate hate hate the genius test people!!!!!

Not for anything they ever did to me. And not really for anything they did to anyone else. But for, well, er, um, actually I can't think of anything right now. And, so, um, maybe I don't hate them all that much. Maybe I like them. I haven't worked that out yet. I have to think this over.

But that's not the point.

The point is, well, it's around here someplace. Hang on while I look.

Oh. I know what it was. It was that you should take my test. 

My god it's hard. Incredibly hard. Awe-inspiringly hard.

No, not the test. I'm referring to writing the introductory comments.

The test is actually pretty easy...

If you're a genius!

 The Clerkmanifesto Genius Quiz

1. The name of this test is:

     A. I'm going to have to think outside of the box for this one, aren't I? Clever!
     B. Ah, you no fool me. Trick question. You tell me what the name of this test is!
     C. The Clerkmanifesto Genius Quiz.
     D. I see, weeding out the weak on the first question.
     E. I'm supposed to expect a first answer to be a "C" or "D", but it's always "E" to throw people off.

2. The most common mistake the blog author makes in writing Clerkmanifesto is:

     A. Its for it's and it's for its.
     B. No, wait, it's it's for its and its for it's. Yes, that one.
     C. Functionally "A" and "B" are the same and so must be a set up for "C" to be correct.
     D. Mistake? But there's never been, oh, I see, wink's as good as a nod to a blind man. Mistake indeed!
     E. I hate to be the one to tell you, but just when Clerkmanifesto has the golden ring in its grasp it gets distracted by the meaning of the universe.

3. The meaning of the Universe is:

     A. Probably around here somewhere.
     B. I just pick whatever letter choice tells me which letter choice to pick. This question doesn't have one of those, but this one is at least closest in spirit.
     C. Oh man, do these get any harder? Who doesn't know this?
     D. People like the "Answer "C"" guy just drive me crazy. Fine, everyone knows, so just tell me for god's sake! 
     E. Can everyone just settle down here? The answer is "Love", or sometimes "Revenge". Like 90% "Love", 10% "Revenge".

4. How many questions are in this test?

     A. Oh man, this is a mindbender. We, taking the test, can see how many questions there are, but you, still writing the test, cannot. How then will you fill out your multiple choice answers?
          a. Right, I didn't think of that!
          b. b.
          c. How many points do we get for answering the questions in the answers? I'm asking for a friend.
          d. It's not that big a deal, he merely needs to take a fair guess at what the answer will be and then stick to it as he completes writing the quiz.
          e. I'm a friend of "C". Did "C" leave me any messages? 
     B. Three?
     C. On the 4th question it's almost always "all of the above" or "none of the above". Look for one of those to show up as a choice and choose that. Don't worry, they won't both be in there.
     D. It can't be many more now as most of the thematic and narrative elements have played through.
     E. I'm going to skip this one and come back to it later if there's still time left.


We have automatically scored your test. Well done. Your score is:


What your score means:


Yes, congratulations! You are a genius. But more the garden variety type that hangs out in the four corners area of the U.S. mistaking train themed murals for the real thing and unsuccessfully hunting flightless birds.


You are a hard core genius who, well, you've already deduced the rest of what I was going to say.


Hello Albert Einstein!

(This zone range is reserved for Albert Einstein. If by error your test result fell into this range and you are not Albert Einstein please double check your results, resubmit or, if still in the 21-30 range, send an error documentation report to our trunk office. We apologize for any inconvenience).




I'm kind of embarrassed you read my blog, but, like, honored.

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If you were wondering, yes, you should comment. Not only does it remind me that I must write in intelligible English because someone is actually reading what I write, but it is also a pleasure for me since I am interested in anything you have to say.

I respond to pretty much every comment. It's like a free personalized blog post!

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