Abandoned cat shrine of the Mississippi

I have spent the morning working on my new cat shrine picture. 

At some moments of its progress I was positively delighted. But sometimes I was haunted by the specter of my oscillating feelings. After my recent "Year in Review" posts, I have become acutely aware of how there are things that I thought to be brilliant just after I made them that now seem almost embarrassing to me in retrospect. As I colored in shame I would look at these artistic failures that I exposed to the world and think: "Actually, these are pretty good."

 My feelings for my own creations are like the most ephemeral of kites, radically altered on even the slightest shift of wind.

But then I realized:

It isn't important what I think of my work. 

It only matters what you think!

At least, I'm pretty sure that's what the psychology texts advise.

So I have prepared a questionnaire for you!

Have fun filling it out. And don't worry, your data will be kept private because we collect no information.

I mean, no information, not even your responses to the questionnaire, as we feel it will interfere with our conclusions.

Thank you for helping us to improve the quality of clerkmanifesto which is immutable and cannot be enhanced or lessened.

First, then, here is our latest

Cat Shrine of the Mississippi, 

(Vol. 12)

Please choose one response only to each of the following:

1. How did you like this picture?

a. It's fine.

b. It's hard to choose just one response as both choices so express my feelings.

2. What would make you enjoy this picture more?

a. I would like it if cats were somehow involved in the picture.

b. It's fine.

c. I don't mind if you collect data on me as I am answering this questionnaire through a vpn, specifically the Clerkmanifesto vpn, which allows me to answer questions on obscure websites without being tracked. Get 20 percent off now by using the code clerkmanifesto20.

d. Was there an "It's fine." option? If so, that one.

3. How likely are you to recommend clerkmanifesto's cat shrine pictures to a friend?

a. This question makes me kind of uncomfortable.

b. My friends and I don't really talk about cat shrine stuff.

c. It depends, are you my friend? Or is this just one of those parasocial relationships?

4. On a scale of one to ten, what would you rate this picture?

a. Is the one a high score or low score?

b. Can I rate the questionnaire instead?

c. Wait, we can rate the questionnaire? I would like to retract my choice "a" and reevaluate at this time.

d. I'm confused. None of these choices offer a number to choose.

Thank you so much for taking part in our questionnaire! 

Your framed certificate of completion with bonus Leroy Nieman art print will arrive in the mail in four to six weeks.

 

I answer your cold weather questions

 

A couple days ago I went for a walk in the 249 kelvins weather (or for you Fahrenheit cultists, that translates to minus eleven degrees). Today I am going to answer some questions about this extreme weather and about some of my earlier comments regarding it. These are your questions, you just don't know you're going to be asking them yet.

1. What of your person got coldest?

First it was my right ear, which was quickly stinging in the wind. But then I swaddled my head better in two hats and a down hood, making my glasses completely unusable from all their fogging up, and hurting my neck a good deal, but still worth it in the end. After that my legs were coldest with only two layers to protect them. They didn't sting. I was just very aware of them. In the end my toes were starting to hurt an alarming amount.

2. Did you really see no people on your long walk?

I guess I could see some people in cars if I had glasses? Here are some representative pictures of all the emptiness:

3. Was the river all frozen? Could you walk on it?

No. It was mostly frozen. I guess because of currents and warmer, underground contributions, and other reasons I can't think of to invent, the ice of the Mississippi is unstable and there are always some open leads of steaming water. I would not dare to walk out on the river, even at 249 kelvins, even with the river looking like this (or maybe because it looks like this?):

4. You mentioned many common animals you didn't see. Did you see any animals at all?

None until I was very near the end of my walk, when I saw, cowering against the side of a bridge, pigeons.

5. Do I have anymore questions about the extreme cold?

Only that one you just asked.

Million subscribers: The excitement grows!

 

 

 

 

Ever since we announced that we would show a picture of our wounded finger right here in clerkmanifesto, interest in this blog has skyrocketed. But has it skyrocketed enough? The deal was that we would show this picture of my bruised forefinger if, and only if, in four days, we hit one millions subscribers to clerkmanifesto. 

How does one subscribe to clerkmanifesto?

To subscribe, simply enter your email address to the right where it says "Follow by Email". 

Actually, I have a whole bunch of questions. Is there some kind of FAQ on this clerkmanifesto promotion?

This! This is that FAQ!

How many people are subscribed by Email right now?

37.

Is that number close to a million?

It's closer to a million than it is to minus a million.

Is minus a million a lot?

It's a lot of people not doing something. Like, if we could get a million people to bike to work instead of driving it will save 114 billion barrels of oil every year! So that's minus a million people working to save the planet!

I'm confused.

I'm so sorry, but this is "frequently asked questions" not "frequent responses to my answers to questions".

I'm already subscribed to clerkmanifesto. What can I do to help reach the million subscribers threshold?

I want nothing for myself. Please take all that energy you have to help me and instead use it to solve homelessness in America. I have so much already. Bless you! And don't forget to vote!

I too am subscribed to clerkmanifesto since last year. I did it during a promotion where if I subscribed I would get to ask a question of my choice in an upcoming clerkmanifesto FAQ. Is that what's happening now?

No, good guess, but the next one is your question.

While I was asking the previous question in this FAQ did the number of subscribers increase at all?

Unfortunately no. Someone unsubscribed at that time and the number went down one to 36.

But that's good for the planet, right?

Exactly.

Should you read clerkmanifesto?

You have seen the clerkmanifesto drip feeding out onto the Internet. And ever starved for something decent to read on the vast paucity that is the Internet you wondered "Is clerkmanifesto for me?"

How can you know?

Perhaps, you think, you could read a random sampling from my easily available 1,800 extant blog posts and... just... see.

No.

No no no no no! That won't do at all!

There is only one reliable way to find out if clerkmanifesto is for you; take my quiz!

Is Clerkmanifesto Right for You?

1. A public library is

     A. A place where librarians are shamefully coddled.
     B. A good place to get free squirts of hand sanitizer.
     C. A little something for the less fortunate among us.
     D. The place to go to get on a long waiting list for A Gentleman From Moscow, which was published two years ago.
     E. Something I sure would like to read a blog about!


2. Politically I am

     A. To the left.
     B. To the left of the left.
     C. Further left than "B", whose rampant centrism disgusts me.
     D. Considerably to the left of "C", who might as well be fascist as far as I'm concerned.
     E. Aware that there are more than two answers to this question. There are five.


3. Nature is

     A. The step just before real estate.
     B. A trick.
     C. Either showing off or laying low. There is no inbetween.
     D. Am I at the right test? I'm supposed to get $20 to try a new "Wheat Thin".
     E. Something I would like to read more about provided it was written by a responsible Midwestern Blogger who has a special understanding with turkeys.


4. I particularly enjoy reading blog posts written by

     A. Geniuses!
     B. People who think they're geniuses and are none too shy to say so.
     C. People who joke about being geniuses but really think they are but are so ridiculous about it it can get a little hard to tell for sure.
     D. Geniuses who are so multi-layered, absurd, obsessive, and satirical about their genius that they have tricked you into thinking they are not geniuses when they totally are.
     E. People who give you a way out in the end where you don't have to get your hands dirty.

How to Score

1. If you answered any of the questions.

Yes, clerkmanifesto is right for you! We will send you out a chaperone for your first year.



2. If you read all the questions and answers without skimming, thinking carefully and deeply about each one, then re-reading to be sure.

You are too good for this world. We will pray for you every night and will see to it that the Wheat Thins people send you your 20 dollars.


3. You skipped the preamble and quit the test at the first question.

Keep practicing!