Monday, January 12, 2015

Customer satisfaction survey


Thank you for agreeing to take part in this customer satisfaction survey for

Completing this survey will automatically entitle you to apply to submit to be automatically entered into an opportunity to take part in a drawing that puts your name into a hat for a future prize opportunity! This is our way of saying thank you.

This survey is being conducted by the research firm of Vinnes, Roos, and Carlson. We have 40 years of experience in conducting surveys and we have learned several lessons. They are as follows:

1. If we skew the survey questions in a direction that causes our survey to show that our client is widely beloved and respected we regularly get asked to conduct more surveys for that client.

Actually, so far that is the only lesson we have learned. But, then, it's only been 40 years.

And so, with this in mind, we have pre-filled out your survey for you! This is a courtesy, and you are free to change any of our answers in the event that they are not accurate. This will in no way void your automatic entry into our sweepstakes that could lead to a series of entries into drawings for, well, we've sort of covered all that already.

We are interested in what you have to say! Thank you for saying it!

If you would like to see the survey that you have submitted, either because you are curious, or because you are interested in slightly changing your answers, please submit an application for a survey viewing request form to our offices at Vinnes, Roos, and Carlson no later than four days before the expiration of our survey period. Your application must include the active dates of the survey period. To find out the active period of this survey please send us a query at your earliest convenience, but don't worry, there is no expiration date on finding out the expiration and active dates of this survey!

Thank you for participating in this survey. Because you have participated in it we will now ask you constantly to participate in more identical surveys.

Nat Bernstein for

Vinnes, Roos, and Carlson Surveys LLC


  1. I'm interested in the answers I put for question numbers 3, 6 & B. I think question 112 was a weighted question, but I'm sure you knew that anyway, as I expect you were looking for me to answer that way based on the fact that both questions 110 and 111 led me subliminally in that direction.

    1. Astute indeed! 112 was weighted, and I was not keen to structure the survey in that way, but my query design team was convinced it would provide some valuable parameters for the third section. Clearly they were right, as they are professionals at this and our tangential third section results have been elucidating in the extreme!

      I see that your paperwork is in order so can of course let you know your answers.

      3. Mostly with a spoon, and you list that you are moderately happy with that.

      6. Yes, you would avidly volunteer for temporal implants if they came available in a beta test.

      B. This was interesting. You coded your answer in a kind of puzzle embedded into Dostoevsky's Notes From the Underground. The tabulators are still working on it, but provisionally are describing it as "a goldmine".


If you were wondering, yes, you should comment. Not only does it remind me that I must write in intelligible English because someone is actually reading what I write, but it is also a pleasure for me since I am interested in anything you have to say.

I respond to pretty much every comment. It's like a free personalized blog post!

One last detail: If you are commenting on a post more than two weeks old I have to go in and approve it. It's sort of a spam protection device. Also, rarely, a comment will go to spam on its own. Give either of those a day or two and your comment will show up on the blog.