Saturday, September 5, 2015

Letter to Catster

Dear Editor:

I have in the past idly thought of submitting my relevant work to Cat Fancy Magazine. Unfortunately Cat Fancy seemed editorially uninterested in my abiding cat issue: the supremacy of cats in all things over dogs. I attributed much of their reticence on this matter to their also publishing the dreaded Dog Fancy Magazine. So you can imagine the burst of hope I felt when Cat Fancy shut down and became Catster, a hip, vital, contemporary, pro cat magazine, one no longer absorbed in the pointless fussiness of cat breeds and grooming, but rather one ready to get down on the ankle level with cats and see things from their perspective.

And then imagine my sadness when I discovered Dogster, a publication apparently closely tied to Catster, like a consortium of Southern Baptists and Satanists working together.

But I decided not to give up hope. I decided to let fly my optimism for Catster. I resolved to submit one of my edgy, modernist, information age, unretracted claw, cat essays to you and let the chips fall where they may.

So I looked through my long library of essays and was shocked to find I don't actually ever write about cats.

Go figure.

How little we know ourselves!

But since I'd already prepared my envelope and collected the pertinent information regarding the contacting of Catster I figured I'd just sort of dash off a couple pieces.

They are amazing.

But don't trust me on that, as I am consistently delusional when it comes to the quality of my work.

Still, you might enjoy them. You might even like to consider me for a regular column. I could do both magazines, working as the (much needed!) voice of bitter dissent on Dogster.

Thank you for your time and, in advance, for your glowing praise.

Yours truly,

F. Calypso


  1. Ahem, you have too blogged about kitties. Many times. What about Franz Kafka? What about your neighborhood kitties?

    1. Are you sure about this? Let me just go check my archives...

      How embarrassing!

      Still, I suppose I can send some of those off to Catster. I guess it's just been so long since I wrote about kafka the cat that I sort of forgot, but he's right here next to me in the library breakroom, chewing mysteriously on a plant.

  2. Oh thank Sekhmet, he is still around! You suddenly stopped mentioning him and I feared some aweful calamity. Please be careful about indoor kitties and indoor plants.

    1. Okay. Thank you Sekhmet. Unless you were thanking Sekhmet. Either way I suppose one doesn't want to mess around with Sekhmet!

      I guess we could have been careful with kafka and indoor plants, and should have been, but since he has now long ago tasted all the ones that are available in the library and is still going strong I guess we're over that hurdle.


If you were wondering, yes, you should comment. Not only does it remind me that I must write in intelligible English because someone is actually reading what I write, but it is also a pleasure for me since I am interested in anything you have to say.

I respond to pretty much every comment. It's like a free personalized blog post!

One last detail: If you are commenting on a post more than two weeks old I have to go in and approve it. It's sort of a spam protection device. Also, rarely, a comment will go to spam on its own. Give either of those a day or two and your comment will show up on the blog.