Saturday, September 5, 2015
Letter to Catster
I have in the past idly thought of submitting my relevant work to Cat Fancy Magazine. Unfortunately Cat Fancy seemed editorially uninterested in my abiding cat issue: the supremacy of cats in all things over dogs. I attributed much of their reticence on this matter to their also publishing the dreaded Dog Fancy Magazine. So you can imagine the burst of hope I felt when Cat Fancy shut down and became Catster, a hip, vital, contemporary, pro cat magazine, one no longer absorbed in the pointless fussiness of cat breeds and grooming, but rather one ready to get down on the ankle level with cats and see things from their perspective.
And then imagine my sadness when I discovered Dogster, a publication apparently closely tied to Catster, like a consortium of Southern Baptists and Satanists working together.
But I decided not to give up hope. I decided to let fly my optimism for Catster. I resolved to submit one of my edgy, modernist, information age, unretracted claw, cat essays to you and let the chips fall where they may.
So I looked through my long library of essays and was shocked to find I don't actually ever write about cats.
How little we know ourselves!
But since I'd already prepared my envelope and collected the pertinent information regarding the contacting of Catster I figured I'd just sort of dash off a couple pieces.
They are amazing.
But don't trust me on that, as I am consistently delusional when it comes to the quality of my work.
Still, you might enjoy them. You might even like to consider me for a regular column. I could do both magazines, working as the (much needed!) voice of bitter dissent on Dogster.
Thank you for your time and, in advance, for your glowing praise.