Sunday, July 3, 2016

A Cosa Notra approach to blog marketing


If you are reading this online, or through a version delivered to your email, this won't apply to you, so you will not be receiving this letter (for reasons that will be made clear in the text of the letter itself).

Dear Friend, Close Associate, or Co-Worker:

As you may know I have been writing a blog for over three years now. It was originally much concerned with my work life at a large, near urban public library. But as there is new content every day it freely roams far afield from this initial subject matter to cover virtually every other subject imaginable, all of it touching on my personal perspectives, and almost certainly including issues dear to your heart. In the past I thought my blog might be of interest to you. Perhaps I have quietly recommended it to you. It is not unlikely that I have even given you the address of it at your own request.

But I understand that it is an idiosyncratic string of essays. My blog is strange, sharp, irreverent, complicated, absurd, and occasionally uncomfortable, and as such it is not to everyone's taste. Indeed it is to very few people's taste. And as much as we might like the idea of a rich, multi-layered Internet that deepens our intellectual and emotional perspectives, we're not really all that keen on it in practice. That is why I have not bugged you about taking that first look at my blog. That is why I have not reminded you to give it one more chance either. And, also, that is why I have not let you know when I am writing on a subject that I think you would find particularly interesting. I have respected your choice, regardless of how flippantly or seriously it was made, to not read my blog, clerkmanifesto.

But in the past I have not written so specifically about you. And now that I am preparing to write specifically about you I felt it would be a minimal courtesy to let you know. 

I have been preparing to write a new series on my blog. This new, upcoming series is called:

Friends, Co-Workers, and Close Acquaintances: A revealing, no holds barred, person by person look at all the people I know who do not read my blog.

This is a warts and all view of their (your, actually) strange habits, private demons, and personal failings. These are character studies that won't shy away from naming names and looking at the sharp truths of real people, their (sorry, your, again) financial information, dark, unholy secrets, politics, relationships, and grooming and eating habits. I think you would find it interesting.

Unfortunately you won't be able to read it.

If you were reading my blog in hopes of finding your profile then there would be no profile of you to find. I am only running profiles of people who don't read my blog. It's a bit of a Catch 22 really. And perhaps it is this very fact that, by its nature, anything I would write about you will be invisible to you, that makes me want to just let you know what's going on.

So, heads up. 

And if you were hoping to help out by sharing with me some striking peculiarity or secret about yourself, don't worry, I already know.

I already know.

With much cordial affection,

F. Calypso 

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If you were wondering, yes, you should comment. Not only does it remind me that I must write in intelligible English because someone is actually reading what I write, but it is also a pleasure for me since I am interested in anything you have to say.

I respond to pretty much every comment. It's like a free personalized blog post!

One last detail: If you are commenting on a post more than two weeks old I have to go in and approve it. It's sort of a spam protection device. Also, rarely, a comment will go to spam on its own. Give either of those a day or two and your comment will show up on the blog.