Thursday, September 27, 2018

New confirmation procedure

From the Computer Services Dept.

Dear County Employee:

As you know the County Computer System and all your employee accounts were recently hacked.

This was terrible!

We knew right away that things must change. So we immediately asked for the resignations of the Senior Managers who failed to properly protect your accounts.

Just kidding. 

What we actually decided to do is punish you.

Welcome to our new Countynet Authentication System. Fortunately, for your safety, logging into your County account, to access your email, timesheets, and secure work communications, will no longer be possible with your password alone. We have instituted a secondary Electrocurrent Authenticator.

Don't worry. It is easy to use. Simply log in as normal, with your user name and password. A prompt will appear on the screen. It will say "Initiate Electrocurrent Authenticator now?"

Place your left forefinger in the Electrocurrent Authenticator that all County Computers are now equipped with.  Press down like you are leaving a fingerprint. Then, with your right hand on the mouse, click "Yes".

You will feel an uncomfortable stream of voltage course into your finger and up your arm. Do not pull away or you will break the verification process. Allow the electrocurrent authenticator to verify your biorythmic signature and, pending approval, you will soon have secure access to your account.

This is only required each time you log in.


Q. Will this make my account more secure?

A. No, but it will distract you from how we're not entirely sure what we're doing.


Would you prefer to keep the old system even if it's a little risky? (Click one)



Please note: answering yes will lock your account for five to fifteen days.

We look forward to working with you as we go forward. However, most of our technical staff will be on retreat when none of this works the way it was supposed to. Be aware that those problems could not possibly have been foreseen.

Thank you for all you do!

The Computer Services Dept.

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