Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Deciding not to read

One of the most important skills for a person working at a library is knowing how to decide what not to read. There are way too many interesting books here, and bringing eleven of them downstairs after a round of shelving is an unrealistic endeavor. Imagine a buffet created by master chefs, indeed, the greatest chefs in the world. Then pretend that all buffets don't suck. Okay? Now picture brilliant and diverse displays of every cuisine and culinary trend you can think of. Miles of brilliant, exquisite food. Now have a yourself a meal.

I think you see the problem.

At this point it might be a good idea to develop some highly particular traits, princess and the pea traits, obsessive peculiarities, a raft of allergies, hair-triggers, and impossible perfectionisms. No food over 80 degrees. You like beets but not enough. No beets them. No shellfish smaller than your fist. No cheese you have already heard of. Nothing derived from the corn plant. No sugar, no bacon, nothing foamy, nothing you can name by smell, and nothing derived from any plant or animal that was over one year old. You can take the list from here, but it had better run for several pages or you're going to get gout. Do you want gout? It's almost as bad as jaundice. Worse sometimes than beriberi.

I saw a new book today by Diane Keaton, a sort of post memoir, commentary on life and aging and success sort of book. She has been in several movies I liked very much. Maybe she has interesting things to say. She seems smart and quirky and idiosyncratic. Or at least, it says something like that on the book flaps. I think it talks about what a nice dose of unconventional, to the beat of her own drum, fresh bit of sauce we'll get from Diane Keaton if we open up the book and see what iconoclastic things she has to say.

I opened the book at random and read "I have never met a woman who doesn't love to shop."

I closed the book. 

I don't eat any cheese I have already heard of.

You have to draw the line somewhere.


  1. Well, thank you. I've been thinking about that book too. But I'm a woman and I don't like to shop. Now I don't even have to open the book. I have to stop somewhere, too.

    But I don't think I'll ever eat in a buffet again. You're post made me feel BLOATED.

    1. Well, as I've suggested, I don't think you'll miss too much by not eating in a buffet as they tend to be 99 percent promise, 1 percent satisfaction- oooh! just like the Internet!

      Although, now that I think of it a buffet is usually not a hugely optional situation, and tends to be connected to free, or sort of free eating events that have only fasting as the other option: i.e. weddings, free hotel breakfasts, and potlucks.

      So I'm guessing we'll all be eating at more buffets.

      Speaking only for myself, it won't be pretty.

  2. Ugh! I just saw that I typed "you're" when I meant "your."

    The horror.

    1. Hmmm, to be honest I didn't even notice you're mistake.


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