Sunday, January 6, 2019

Downvote party







Oh, hi.

Thanks for stopping by.

But unfortunately I didn't come to the Internet today to write a blog post. I have found writing original content for the Internet doesn't have the impact it once used to. I have found expressing my views, sharing my thoughts and insights, performing a bit of comedy, reflecting on the natural world, being personal, telling stories, all that sort of stuff, isn't the kind of thing that makes the Internet really tick. It doesn't make it move and breathe. I don't think it ever did. I'm afraid it's simply not the sort of thing that makes a difference.

I want to make a difference!

So I came onto the Internet today not to write, or say anything original, no, I came to make a difference on the Internet the one way that is left to any regular person: 

Downvoting.

I have set aside two hours to travel the Internet looking for things I don't like and downvoting them. Political comments, opinions about Premier League Soccer, funny pictures of cats that aren't funny, recipes, interpretations of news articles, news articles, the new cafe on Franklin Avenue, people complaining about my blog posts, cordless headphone reviews, weather reports, Library blogs, whatever. I am here to downvote.

I have come to the Internet to do the only thing any of us have left, downvote.

Downvote

Downvote

Downvote!

And then:

Downvote

Downvote

Downvote!


It is like pulling weeds in an endless garden. The more I downvote the more I see to downvote. If the Internet is a garden then it is a garden full of terrible things!

I disagree with everything. Everything!

Downvote

Downvote

Downvote!


Two hours will not be nearly enough to downvote everything that needs to be downvoted! But I will try. Because healthy, good, pure things, like clerkmanifesto, cannot survive when they are being choked off by so many weeds. I must downvote!

Because I have a beautiful dream:

If I work hard. If I downvote and downvote until there is nothing left to downvote, the beautiful garden of the Internet will finally be clear. Step by step the longest march can be won, and one day my work will bear fruit. One day my dream will finally be real. One day you will open up your Internet browser and you will go onto the Internet and finally, finally...

There will be nothing.




Well, I mean, except this.












4 comments:

  1. Be brave. The fearful task you have chosen is fraught with terrible shoals & sonorous sirens. When you return I will be old. The weight of your laurels may themselves distract you, but I will wait.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Finally found a nice cave. Not too drafty like the last one.
    Taking up knitting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good plan especially as you still have an Internet connection and don't have to miss any of my posts :)

      Delete

If you were wondering, yes, you should comment. Not only does it remind me that I must write in intelligible English because someone is actually reading what I write, but it is also a pleasure for me since I am interested in anything you have to say.

I respond to pretty much every comment. It's like a free personalized blog post!

One last detail: If you are commenting on a post more than two weeks old I have to go in and approve it. It's sort of a spam protection device. Also, rarely, a comment will go to spam on its own. Give either of those a day or two and your comment will show up on the blog.