Saturday, August 31, 2019

End of the world as reported in newspaper: Day one

Here is my fever dream of the end of the world as it is reported in the newspaper. It doesn't matter much from which newspaper- New York Times, Washington Post, The Guardian, The Star Tribune. They are more distinguishable by their font than they are by their ideology.

Day one:


Angry Trump Lashes Out at New Zealand


President Trump, said to be furious at the lack of cheese on his cheeseburger, demanded more cheese from New Zealand, who, he said, have "lots of sheep" and are "being stingy just to spite him".

Below the fold story number one:

Reports suggest than Trump angrily hurled his cheeseburger against a White House wall and demanded more cheese on his burgers. White House spokespeople denied this as "More President hating" and also denied reports that a startled kitchen staffperson blamed New Zealand in a "moment of panic" and then had to stick to her story when Trump seized on it.

Below the fold story number two:

The New Zealand Prime Minister said he was sorry the President was unable to enjoy his dinner, but that New Zealand exports very little sheep cheese to the U.S. and had nothing to do with the situation. It is merely an unfortunate misunderstanding.

Third page analysis:

Is New Zealand withholding cheese? What is our recourse if New Zealand is withholding cheese and other essential products from the U.S. in violation of world trade agreements?

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