Sunday, February 21, 2016
Customer Appreciation Sunday!
We are in the second day now of our customer appreciation week at clerkmanifesto. I know that you are used to fake customer appreciation celebrations that are in reality craven marketing gambits. But I want to convince you of our sincerity. You aren't just a number to us, or a path to profit. Our appreciation, unlike so many of the messages of appreciation you've received from the other big time blogs and Internet companies, is truly genuine.
We appreciate you!
So it was especially unfortunate that yesterday, during our big "make a splash", extremely generous kick-off day gift presentation, we made a small error.
It turned out our gift was utterly valueless. We gave out a free year of subscription to clerkmanifesto, which, by the way, is a fantastic deal, only to soon thereafter discover that we don't actually charge for subscriptions. This brought down the monetary value of our gift considerably and caused some disappointment among the general public.
This lead us to rethinking our second customer appreciation day gift. It was going to be a thirty percent off coupon. We thought thirty percent was pretty big, but then we decided that we need to seriously up our game. So we increased our gift all the way to forty percent off, which is clearly an enormous discount. Fortunately a staff member here at clerkmanifesto, who had completed math classes clear through the tenth grade, pointed out that since we do not sell anything for money at clerkmanifesto, any discount on it, even if that discount was super large and generous, wouldn't save anyone any money.
We went back to square one.
Maybe, we thought, all this money stuff is not the way to express true appreciation anyway. Shouldn't an expression of appreciation be more warm and human and personal than just another business exchange? We think so. We want you to have something from us that has meaning and personality. And that is why we are incredibly proud to announce that for day two of customer appreciation week we bought you a...
It should be at your door, delivered by courier, by 5:00 p.m. If you haven't received it by then please hit the following personal tracking number for your kitten below for more information:
Your kitten has had all its shots and comes pre named and with two cans of cat food and an ID collar.
We hope you enjoy your new friend and that perhaps sometimes you will think of us when you play with little Clerkmanifesto.
Thank you again for your patronage.