Thursday, February 25, 2016
Customer Appreciation Week: Day Seven
Well here we are at day seven of clerkmanifesto's Customer Appreciation Week! What a trip it's been. We hope you have enjoyed it as much as we have, and we hope that our lavish daily gifts have left you feeling truly thanked and appreciated. We know that not every gift has been perfect, but we feel that the ones that worked out were really special, at least that's what we've heard so far from those of you that have contacted us. Not that any of you have contacted us. You certainly don't have to contact us. Just enjoy your gifts. No thanks necessary!
You are probably thinking that after six great gifts there must be something really nice coming to close it all out. You are probably wondering what the day seven gift is. Fair enough.
Because a small number of our gifts so far have had a few slight problems, because there may or may not have been some technical glitches with our first six gifts, we really wanted to make sure that we got gift number seven, our last gift, just right. So we decided to review our gifts so far and take a look at what has worked so far and what hasn't.
Let's take a look:
A year of free subscription to clerkmanifesto, which, through no fault of our own, turns out to already be free anyway.
We forgot to include a gift except there's an outside chance you might have gotten a gerbil to go with your kitten.
We forgot again to include a gift. Our apologies.
Liquefied and spoiled Italian gelato sampler, soaked into hand delivered packaging.
Oddly we can't find any data on our day six gift.
So, what pops out to you about this list of six gifts we've sent you?
Exactly. It is obvious that our day two kitten gift was the absolute, far and away, winner among the gifts. The kitten makes this whole week a success in its own right, regardless of how exciting some of the other gifts were from the week.
So how do we top a kitten?
We thought long and hard about how to top the gift of a kitten and decided, we can't. No one can best the gift of a kitten.
At that point we realized: go with the horse that got you here. Or the kitten.
Yes, we're sending you another kitten!
We contacted our kitten provider, The Daisy Hill Kitty Kollective. They did a great job on getting you kitten number one, and we really like working with them. Unfortunately the massive outlay of kittens just five days ago (oddly they're saying it was four!), has left them completely out of "normal" kittens. Fortunately they have enough kitten seconds and "refurbished" kittens to make sure that everyone will nevertheless now get a second kitten.
The The Daisy Hill Kitty Kollective assures me that these refurbished and "seconds" kittens are still absolutely great kittens and will make wonderful companions for your first kitten (and for you and your family!). Also, because these kittens have minor blemishes, they might not be able to be adopted out normally. So basically you are not only getting a great gift, but you are probably saving a young cat's life.
Because some people are particular to the blemishes and small malfunctions of their kitten, The Daisy Hill Kitty Kollective has provided the following checklist of possible problems your kitten will have. Please put a "one" by the blemish you are most comfortable with your kitten having, and an "X" by the one you simply can't tolerate in a cat. The Daisy Hill Kitty Kollective, as a special favor to us at clerkmanifesto, is willing to guarantee you will not receive a kitten with your "X'd" choice. They will also do everything they possibly can to get you a kitten with the problem that is your top choice.
___ No ears and deaf
___ Lists constantly to the left
___ Old age
___ FFF (Feline Food Fetishest)
___ HCD (Heightened Contemptuousness Disorder)
___ Stubby leg syndrome
___ Chronic Cat Flatulence
___ Vet attachment (Must live in the Upper Midwest or own a private jet for this one)
___ Violent cat sweats/chills (We will provide you with two kitty sweaters)
If it's all the same to you simply don't do anything with this form, and your new kitten, with a surprise defect, will arrive in the late afternoon tomorrow!
Thank you so much. It has been a fantastic week, and we so hope your two new kittens will ever let you know just how much you are appreciated here at clerkmanifesto.
From all of us to you: Thank you!