Dear Editor:
Have you considered publishing a high profile insider's non-fiction book about libraries?
I have one for you and it will knock you off your feet!
Did you know that Libraries are not the genteel, quiet institutions we remember them as, but rather have become hives of villainy, bloodlust, sex and murder? The ultra rich and mega celebrities have been buying private sections of public libraries to conduct dark rites that control the minds of the nation's Senators and Judges. Secret rhino farms operate under the very noses of innocent library-visiting suburban families, experimental limb replacements are conducted willy nilly in study rooms equipped with one way glass taken from crash landed alien spaceships, Republicans are regularly embroiled in brutal fistfights with karate trained librarians, drugs are freely passed around that grant super intelligence to their users, but with temporary, "Flowers for Algernon" tragic effects, cabals of Christian sects are building Pope Robots powered by sacrificed classic novels soaked in the blood of lambs.
All of this is one hundred percent true!
Unfortunately my book mainly focuses on the intricacies of library card registration.
Still, I look forward to hearing from you!
Regards,
Feldenstein Calypso (Library Insider)
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