Sunday, August 4, 2013

Rainy day blogging number 3

I am out of the office or out of town or out of commission or maybe just out of it. I don't know which because I am cleverly using time travel to provide sparkling fresh, enervating and effervescent blog content despite my unavailability to actually post new blog content. Yes, I am a voice from the past. I wrote this in the halcyon days of yore, then sealed it behind 4-inch thick glass in a pure vacuum environment. There is sat until I or some authorized designee of me and my blog, went down to sub level security containment section B, entered the codes for protocol Tav, and hit the big red button. This metal sealed all blog access and released emergency bot A. Bot A is our blog's most sophisticated AI, who, under protocol Tav then would have cracked the sealed glass containers sequentially for the Rainy Day Blog Posts, releasing this post and its siblings, until either protocol Tav is revoked, the rainy day blog supply is spent, or bot A manages to produce prose of sufficient quality to post in a holding pattern to provide a minimum level of entertainment and insight until protocol Tav can be revoked and I can resume writing the blog myself. At the time this blog post is being written, it does not look likely that Bot A will be able to produce prose of a sufficient quality to meet the clerkmanifesto standards. In our most recent full scale test Bot A took eleven 24 hour days, 9 fuses, and 14 buckets of Haas avocado pits to produce the following post:

Bot A Holding Pattern Post 7

Bot A holds post pattern. Pattern posts to hold post pattern. Resume post pattern to post until pattern posted. Post complete.

Actually, this does show some real improvement over earlier tests, and who knows how many years have gone by since I wrote this post and how much improvement has been achieved on Bot A's AI. The bigger concern is actually, at this point,  that as Bot A's prose improves so does its need for fuses, and, of particular importance, for avocado pits. There is grievously no commercial market for avocado pits. And, while to you out there in the future, nightly clerkmanifesto guacamole parties might sound great, they lose some of their luster when you have to throw them night after night. Admittedly, watching Bot A break the 4-inch thick rainy day blog post's containment glass in the nightly tests never never loses its luster and is always fun, but one gets incredibly tired of guacamole, and, despite several attempts, California rolls do not use anywhere near the amount of avocados we need.

So, hopefully I'll be back tomorrow, or there'll be another rainy day blog post, or, who knows, there could be a post by Bot A. The important thing is that we should have something for you. We prepare.

Additional note to our clerkmanifesto friends:

We have been incredibly moved by your generous donations of avocado pits. Bot A is especially thankful. But I would be wasting your fantastic efforts if I did not tell you the strict conditions under which avocado pits are actually useable to Bot A.

1. The pits must be from Haas avocados only. No "Booths" or "Bacons." They do not work.
2. Pits must be cleaned in pure grain alcohol, then white vinegar then distilled water.
3. Pits cannot be in contact at any time with plastic, glass, wood, wood pulp products such as paper or cardboard, fabric, or metal of any kind other than a basically pure silver, which means "fine silver" or "three nines fine silver" only, which will generally be too soft for normal use. The pits should be packed directly from the distilled water into unglazed earthenware jars.

Thank you again! Keep 'em coming.

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