Saturday, December 2, 2017

The current tax plan

Here is a charming demonstration you can use at parties to illustrate elements of the current tax plan working its way through the American political system.

First you must locate a Republican. Once you find one (and be nice!), say to them "Excellent. Thank you. You are a Republican! I have an amusing demonstration I think you'll appreciate." (Say it theatrically and people will gather round). 

Ask "Do you have a large bill, a ten, 20, or 50 with you?"

"Er, yes." They will say, because in hypothetical scenarios and written recipes everything always goes according to plan.

Hold out your hand, palm up.

Be prepared. They may belligerently say "I'm not handing over my twenty!"

Laugh indulgently. "Oh, I'm 100% on your side here. Trust me. We'll show all the naysayers a thing or two!

He will reluctantly pull out his bill. Keep your hand out. Don't flinch. Steady him like a wild pony. Look him in the eye and quietly say, nodding "It will be okay."

He will lay the twenty on your palm.

Carefully fold the bill up almost as if you're going to do a magic trick. Put it in your pocket and walk away.

Never, ever, ever, give it back.

If you do it right he will think you did him a favor.

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