Monday, April 15, 2019

Customer feedback

In order to improve your experience on our site we are asking that you fill out this brief customer survey. It will only take four hours and 35 minutes and you will be entered in a drawing for a $100 Visa gift card that you won't win, but sometimes the dream is enough.

If you'd like to opt out of this survey simply complete the survey at which point you will be given the option to "Opt out". At that point select the "Opt out" option and you will be returned to the start of the survey.

This survey is conducted by an independent company on behalf of this site. Their complete lack of humanity and ethics in regards to your data and time in no way reflects upon the site hiring them. While we appreciate your survey input please understand that any views you express that in any way deviate from our preconceived notions about, well, everything, will be summarily disregarded.

1. How did you first hear about this site?

A. It was the first 47 search results in my Google search.

B. I haven't heard of it. Where am I?


D. I was tricked into coming here by one of your bots and haven't bothered to leave because the Internet has made me insanely passive.

2. How well does this site meet your needs?

A. You tell me what my needs are and I'll tell you how you meet them.

B. Not well at all; I can't find a relevant response choice to this question!

C. When should I expect my Visa gift card?

D. E.

E. D.

3. How likely are you to refer a friend to this site?

A. Not likely at all. I have no friends.

B. Not likely at all. This is not a reflection on your site, rather, I just care about my friends.

C. Not likely at all because I still haven't figured our where I am.

D. Not likely at all without a coupon scheme, credits for friends referred, a special to offer friends, a Visa gift card per friends referred, or friends (see A. above).

4. Do you have any other comments or feedback you'd like to share that's not covered in the pre selected responses?

A. No, the pre selected responses are so perfect. Where can I hire you guys to run a survey for me?

B. No, I loved the pre selected responses. I hated the questions with my whole being though. Hated, hated, hated, hated! 

C. Only if it's going to affect my final score.

D. Yes, where do I enter my, oh, you bastards, I see what you've done!

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If you were wondering, yes, you should comment. Not only does it remind me that I must write in intelligible English because someone is actually reading what I write, but it is also a pleasure for me since I am interested in anything you have to say.

I respond to pretty much every comment. It's like a free personalized blog post!

One last detail: If you are commenting on a post more than two weeks old I have to go in and approve it. It's sort of a spam protection device. Also, rarely, a comment will go to spam on its own. Give either of those a day or two and your comment will show up on the blog.