Being a world renowned blog writer has brought me a great deal of notoriety at the library I work at. And as much as I strive to do the normal library work I love, and to provide the library services that all the more normal and less famous library workers everywhere seek to provide, my public stature and my illustriousness in the world of libraries and literature sometimes cannot help but make its effect known in my daily work life. While I am here working at the library what I most want to do is answer questions about our hold systems, hours, and library cards, and maybe to get some shelving done. But it would be ungrateful of me to turn down requests for autographs and selfies, and if someone has a question about my famous friends, like Bob Dylan or George Clooney, or is keen to hear juicy backstage secrets about my blog writing, it is generally easier to indulge them, and it is more gracious than rebuffing them to get to the shelving I am so keen to take care of.
Nevertheless, I sometimes find myself answering many of the same questions about my blog, my literary work, and life as one of the most notorious people on the Internet, over and over and over. And in an attempt to ease the burden of that, and maybe get a bit more shelving done, I on occasion like to report in this space some of the more common questions I am asked by fans on the library floor along with my answers to them. It is hoped that perhaps by seeing questions here answered, devoted blog readers, should they happen into my library, will be more prepared to keep our interaction to a more simple appreciation of my work, and perhaps a quick autograph, and allow us to take care of their regular business with the library in a more timely manner.
And so with that said here are a few of the questions I have fielded already so many times in the past couple of months at my library:
Q: Do you have any state tax forms?
A: Thank you so much for your kind words. While surely I could live off of my many streams of income from the enterprises of my blog, clerkmanifesto, my love of libraries keeps me coming back here, and I seek only to help with your normal, mundane library experience as best I can.
Q: Excuse me, are you...
A: Why how lovely of you to recognize me. Yes I am. But the whole celebrity thing is so unreal. It's helping the little people like you that truly fulfills me. Your support means the world to me.
Q: Do you happen to have...
A: Ha ha ha! Of course I do! Here you go!
I do hope that helps! And perhaps now I can get to my mundane, yet ever so meaningful library work. Though, of course, if you have more questions, don't be afraid to ask!
I'm here all the time.
I have some questions.
ReplyDelete1. Where would you rather be: in an elevator or in a large shoe.
2. How many times have you reached a summit while hiking only to discover that it wasn't the summit at all.
3. Do you think antelope have a sense of mortality?
4. If you had to choose (say you're reincarnated) between a life as a roofer or a computer programmer or a violinist for a local symphony, which would it be?
5. Could you please name three of your favorite songs from 1979. (Yes, you can use Google).
6. Do you think major league baseball should make the National League adopt the designated hitter?
7. If you have any questions you would like me to ask, please let me know.
Thank you,
Your dedicated reader.
Oh, I have some more questions....
ReplyDelete8. What do you think we should do about pennies?
9. Let's say you had twelve days to live. What would you do with your time?
10. If you could spontaneously and magically speak three foreign languages which would they be?
11. Have you every smoked a cigar?
12. My ear canals have been itching a lot lately. Do you have any remedies?
It's so funny, I just answered these same 12 questions while I was shelving request today! Someone asked these exact twelve (coincidence!) although they putting them slightly differently, asking, if I recall, "How are my books held?" So these should be pretty easy for me to answer what with having just run through them!
ReplyDelete1. Elevator.
2. Kind of a lot, come to think of it. Is that too specific?
3. I saw a crocodile just miss eating a zebra today (on the Internet) and it made me wonder a bit about that. Did you see it too? But still, though my faith is shaken, I'll go with yes.
4. Violinist.
5. On the one hand this is not really my year, but even with that I am overwhelmed by choices and would need a couple hours of hard research for this, but for now lets go with "Oliver's Army" "Comfortably Numb" and "Life During Wartime"
6. No, on the contrary, I am bitterly opposed to the designated hitter rule and consider it a stake in the heart of baseball.
7. Thanks.
Part 2:
Delete8. Get rid of them. They are a folly. I am also opposed to nickels, though the Mary Tyler Moore show did a very funny joke with them.
9. Have trouble enjoying it. Spend all moments with my wife. Do you know something?
10. The language of the closest Intelligent alien in space. French maybe. Portuguese?
11. Yes, but probably not a whole one.
12. Try putting mineral oil in them. Good luck.